


DILF

by audlynb33



Series: Avert your eyes, my Dethentine [1]
Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Other, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29285961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audlynb33/pseuds/audlynb33
Summary: I've decided to be unhinged this valentine's day as a treat for myself :)There's really nothing you need besides the tags, "enjoy" the new pairing.
Relationships: Oscar Explosion/Calvert (Metalocalypse)
Series: Avert your eyes, my Dethentine [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150718
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	DILF

Calvert wandered down yet another of Mordhaus’s endless black hallways. He’d been walking around for over an hour now and could still feel himself scowling. His wife, along with all the Dethklok mothers, had a sudden conviction that her sons should be more involved in Valentine’s Day. What he had gathered while listening to Molly’s side of the phone conversation was essentially: Since none of Dethklok ever celebrates Valentine’s Day with a girlfriend, they owe the day to their mothers. So we should surprise the boys by spending the day with them. He didn’t really understand it. He especially didn’t understand why he had to come. Even though Molly was spending the entire day with Pickles he was still expected to be there “ _because it’s Valentine’s Day”_. Of course Seth, on the other hand, was too busy to be there.

So here he was, stuck in this ridiculous monster Dethklok called a house; with nothing to do, away from his chair, away from his booze cabinet, near Pickles. He’d gone for a walk to try and clear his head but just being in this place pissed him off. 

_What kind of respectable adult lives in a place that looks like a cross between a decaying dungeon and a child’s fantasy castle? How did they even combine those two looks to begin with? Leave it to Pickles. And get it, you're rich and you want to show it off with a big house. But this is just grotesque! The little shit never did have any sense of decency._

He blinked twice as his eyes came into focus on an ajar door ahead to his left. Most of the doors he’d passed were locked tight except for when the occasional employee passed through. He walked up to it and peered inside. All along the walls were… novelty guitars? He scanned the back wall then the wall to his left; they were all definitely guitars and they all had different, odd shapes. He stepped inside to take a closer look.

_Is that a fucking guitar made of smaller guitars?_

“Oh! Hey.”

Calvert snapped his head to the right and saw Oscar Explosion sitting on a long, wide white leather couch holding a tv remote. Looking back he noticed an uncovered spot on the wall with a built in flatscreen. 

“Hey. What’re you doing back here?” _Probably got dragged along just like me._

“Oh you know, the wife’s spending the day with Nathan so I'm off the hook until dinner later tonight. Thought I’d do some exploring. You’re doing the same I see?”

“Yeah, basically.” _At least you have plans, I’m just fucking stuck here._ “So,” he walked towards the couch, “What are you watching?”

“Oh, I’m, uh, still figuring this thing out,um.” Oscar started fidgeting with the three different remotes beside him. “You know with all these different streaming channels and internet tubes it’s hard to navigate.”  


Clavert looked up at the screen, he couldn’t read any of the text but he really didn’t need to. “Ahh ha, I think you figured it out just fine.” 

Oscar looked over at Calvert as he joined him on the couch about an arms length. “Anything look good?” he added as he settled into his seat and put his hands behind his head.

Oscar didn’t speak to the man aside from some “I-know-who-you-are-but-I-don’t-know-you” conversations at a few Mordhaus events. He knew Calvert valued his position as a respected member of his community and high quality booze, and speculated that he liked to be thought of as a man’s man. But he really hadn’t gotten the impression that he’d be this casual about porn. And he **definitely** had not expected him to join someone, let alone _an acquaintance_ , in watching porn. 

“Uh, well,” Oscar started hesitantly, “I can’t read any of this so I really only have the five second preview to go off of. I just- kinda ended up on this one.” he gestured the remote in hand towards the tv.

“Heh, works for me,” said Calvert. “Go ahead and play it.”

Oscar hit play. 

On screen a beautiful blonde woman with suspiciously tanned skin and a perfect hourglass figure appeared wearing a white cropped tank top, daisy dukes, and red high heels. She walked over to a couch in a nondescript room with two attractive-leaning, average white men wearing jeans and plain t-shirts in tow. None of the dialogue was in english, but that hardly matters to understanding what a striptease is. One of the men left the room leave the girl and man #1 to do some heavy petting on the couch.

Oscar had started to do some petting himself by this point. He glanced over at Calvert out of curiosity even though he knew it was bad manners— he’d done this more than he’d like to admit while deployed, and sure sometimes— with a mutual understanding of course— looking or even more was welcome— but he really didn’t know what to expect from this man. Calvert seemed… mildly interested.

Not wanting to seem rude for looking but also not wanting to be a bad host, Oscar cleared his throat and looked straight ahead. “Do you want me to change it? Or maybe fast-forward a bit?”

“Hm? No this is fine. But um… if you don’t mind, I could help you out?”

“Wh-what do you mean exactly?” With every word out of this man’s mouth Oscar knew him less and less.

Calvert took a deep breath. “Back in the day, I was part of a fraternity. One of the alumnus owned a lake house that he’d rent to the frat every summer. And since we were young and on your own with no one else around, occasionally we’d watch porn together and even help each other get off.”

Oscar sat quietly for a moment. On screen the other man #2 had come back and man #1 seemed to be helping the woman put something on around her waist.

“I mean… It’s not like I never did anything like that in the military. Sure, if you wanna why not?”

“Alright then.”

Oscar watched Calvert take off his jacket and tie and rolled up his sleeves; then looked away as Calvert reached towards his pants. Oscar maintained minimal eye contact, half-focusing on the porn, and kept his voice in check as Calvert took his dick into his hand, stroking it slowly. But suddenly his head dipped down—

“What are you—ugh,” Oscar inhaled sharply as he realized what was happening. He was getting a blow job from his son’s bandmate’s father. And his breathing was increasing as it started to feel really good despite still being shocked it was happening.

By this point, Calvert had started touching himself, remembering what it had been like to do this in his youth before he grew up and became a family man.

On the flatscreen man #2 was blowing man #1 while being pegged by the woman.

_**SLAM** click_

Oscar whipped his head towards the door and Calvert slowly lifted his head while coming out of his dazed state.

\---

Having escaped from the insufferable Mother’s Valentine’s Day activities, Skwisgaar has run off to his extra private guitar storage room to play every weird guitar he owned and unwind. But after locking the door he saw Pickles’s father awkwardly wiping his mouth and looking away, while partly bent over Nathan’s father, who had grabbed a throw pillow to cover himself; and there was porn playing. Skwisgaar starred at the two fathers, making sure he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. But really the combined deer-in-headlights/guilty looks were more than enough confirmation.

_Oh. Oh dis ams happenings. ___

__“Sos,” Skwisgaar said gently, trying to calm the energy in the room, “ams eithers of youse knowing whats a DILF ams?”_ _


End file.
